In last week’s editorial, we explored the meaning of marriage as a creation ordinance that is sealed by a solemn covenant. This exhorts us to treat it with sacred care.
Marriage is not simply a matter close to the hearts of a wedding couple in love, but also to the heart of God who loves the world.
In this editorial, we continue from last week’s article to discern what it means to attend a wedding, and how we can ensure that each wedding we attend is done in clear conscience and in love for God and people.
Pastor Luwin Wong
What am I doing when I go to a wedding?
We’re now in a position to think through what kind of act we engage in when we go to a wedding.
1. We’re approving.
We’ve already seen that, in Scripture, weddings involve a solemn and publicly recognised covenant bond. The community, by its presence, affirms the legitimacy of the marital bond being established. This is why in some older wedding liturgies the congregation is asked, “If anyone knows of any lawful impediment why these two should not be joined together in holy matrimony to speak now or forever hold their peace.”
We’re not mere spectators when we go to a wedding. We’re witnesses. We testify to the legitimacy of the union being established before us.
2. We’re celebrating.
Weddings are festive occasions. Jesus, when asked about fasting (a customary sign of mourning), said that it was inappropriate for the wedding guests while the Bridegroom was present (Luke 5:34–35). Jesus was talking about himself — bodily present with his disciples — but using the image to make this point only works because everyone knows that weddings are for celebration, not for mourning. They’re occasions for joy.
And since, in their original scriptural character and intent, they’re also sacred, that celebration is appropriately expressed in praise to the triune God. He’s the one who, in his common grace, has made the provision of marriage for our welfare and comfort. He’s the one who binds the couple together and who blesses their union. So, as we celebrate the happiness of the couple, let’s also lift up our hearts in glad adoration to God who showers his grace upon us.
3. We’re renewing our own vows.
In a wedding, we’re not meant to be incidental spectators, looking on as all the action takes place at the front between the officiant and the happy couple. We’re meant to be participants.
Specifically, we’re being formed and instructed in the nature and worth of marriage, and we’re being called upon, explicitly or implicitly, to renew our own commitments to fidelity and love in marriage and chastity and contentment in singleness.
4. We’re hearing (and seeing) the gospel.
Every lawful marriage between a man and a woman bears at least an echo of the covenant bond that God establishes between himself and his people in Christ. But in Christian marriage this covenantal bond is especially clear, for then we speak openly of the love of Christ, the Bridegroom, who gave himself up for his church, the Bride, at the cross. As vows are taken and we hear each pledge “I will,” we’re meant to hear the covenant promise of God in Jesus Christ to us “in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want” now and forever.
Should I attend this wedding?
If we’re doing at least these four things at a wedding, before we agree to go, we need to ask ourselves whether we can conscientiously attend.
Since attending a wedding means more than just showing up, but actually showing approval, we should ask ourselves if this particular union is one we can add our affirmation to cheerfully and with a clear and biblically informed conscience. If attending a wedding means entering into and expressing joy at the proceedings, is this particular union one you can celebrate before the Lord? If attending a wedding means being formed in your own convictions about marriage, is this wedding ceremony — and the union it establishes — one that will shape you and others in a biblical direction? Questions like these can help us consider whether saying “yes” to a wedding invitation is a God-honouring decision.
Since attending a wedding means more than just showing up, but actually showing approval, we should ask ourselves if this particular union is one we can affirm with a clear conscience.
Of course, we need to be clear that a decision not to attend may cause confusion and hurt, and it might well come at a high relational cost to us. And yet, in this cultural moment, these are decisions Christians will be called upon to make more and more frequently. We must find a way to adjust our expectations and consider these decisions part of the cost of discipleship. Having said that, if we find we cannot in good conscience attend, we ought to make every possible effort to signal our continued love and concern for the couple in other ways, as we seek to extend and communicate the grace of Christ to broken people who bear the image of their Maker.
To be a wedding guest is an honour and a responsibility. Let’s say “yes” when we can and “no” out of love for Christ — who calls us to love our neighbours by loving him first.
(1) David Strain, (March 4, 2022), Is Attending a Wedding an Endorsement? The Gospel Coalition. Taken from https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/attending-wedding-endorsement/
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